CHANGE STARTS WITH PERCEPTION
Digging is a process that takes work, effort, and diligence. How long it will take depends on how much area needs work. I started digging back in 2012. In my heart, I knew I needed a real change. Not a new hair cut, new church, or new place to live. I needed soul & cognitive work. Back then, I was plagued with negative thoughts, bad behavior, and triggers ruled my life. At a very young age, I adopted the idea that I was not enough. I thought unspeakable things which led to horrible events. Around the age of 12, towards the end of summer school, I attempted suicide. I'd arrived at a dangerous emotional peak. Sadness, depression, anger, and hopelessness were my acquaintances. Pain drove me in inexplicable ways. I became a single mother, an abuse victim, and eventually homeless. During those years, my sense of worthiness was defined by trauma & abuse. I accepted false representations of love because I hadn't truly felt loved. Years of intentional and unintentional programming through the actions of caretakers, lovers, and family members left many wounds and I became fragmented. Traumatic experiences along with early childhood and adult abuse triggered bouts of uncontrollable behaviors. I was fragile, emotionally exhausted, & lost.
Stripping all the soil that causes poor growth and arrested development is the first step in the planting process. A gardener knows that the best way to get maximum growth is to till the ground. His next step is to remove the debris, weeds, and other anti-growing elements. His job is to know what will restrict the growth of a good harvest. That's what happened to me. During my stripping process, I lost everything! First, we lost our home. My children and I were homeless and living in a local shelter. Though I worked, my income was minimum wage and not sufficient enough to support my family. Not long after losing our home, I lost my children to social services. Finally, I almost lost my mind. Little did I know - God was preparing the ground of my soul to carry his glory. First, He paired me with people who planted seeds of hope, encouragement, and love. Second, I was pulled away from toxic environments. Then, I was reintroduced to the concept of trust. Finally, I learned that I had a responsibility to change. My children & the people I loved deserved a mentally stable, spiritual grounded, financially literate, rational friend, and sister in the Lord.
The new seeds in my life were growing well. I was actively producing thoughts and behaviors that showed signs of great recovery. But God was interested in something more from me. He wanted to produce precious fruit that would draw people to the same mental, emotional, financial, and spiritual freedom that I was now enjoying. My journey was filled with forgiveness, prayer, deliverance, cognitive therapy, Christian counseling, and so much more. After a while, there were significant signs of spiritual, emotional, and physical growth. For a long time, I declined God's requests to help others. Far be it from me to think I could help folks conquer fear, abuse, poor self-esteem, and self-control issues. I was a non-compliant recipient of God's grace. One day, God sent a precious message to me. He said, when you resist my plan, little by little, you reduce your fruit reproduction for me, and you slowly begin to produce for yourself. Adonai's words moved me to action. So, I finally surrendered. Today Glory Carriers Spiritual Training, Looking Glass Development Ctr., SOUL Sessions, and Hadar Dance are here to testify of God's recovery agent. I went from a suicidal path of death to a victorious path in Christ Jesus.